white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
