I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
