You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
