what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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