def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
