I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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