currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize