Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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