I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
