i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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