Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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