ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
how does that bad decision feel?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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