I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
