i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
