he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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