OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
