but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Randomize
