if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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