Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
