Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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