According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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