I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
