god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize