If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
