i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
