i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
