You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
