I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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