Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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