I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
