then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
