he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
