he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
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If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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