my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
