so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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