Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
