That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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