So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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