shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.