And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?