I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I forgot wine drunk hurts