I chose taco bell over sex...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.