I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.