we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
