I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
they're like a gay fantastic four
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
