The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
