he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
