I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
