Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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