Michael Bay diarrhea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
