dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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