god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
