It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
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I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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