Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
