i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
