So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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