Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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