i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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