I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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