I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
