Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
