i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
