really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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