is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
