2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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