Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
