I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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