someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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