you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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