Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
