Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
