remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
