Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
