dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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