I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's never too late to be topless.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
